where forever lies
by bisexual-killian-jones
Summary: Emma and Killian have been together for the past ten years. Suddenly, Emma wins the role of a lifetime on a new TV show, which sends her across the country. Can their relationship survive the distance? Long distance AU


**a/n: this is a birthday fic for one of my friends on tumblr. her birthday was last week, but this fic got super out of hand and is now a 16,000 word monster. enjoy!**

* * *

It all began ten years ago, with a gentle kiss as the audience watched on.

They had practiced the scene twenty times _at least_ , but Emma's stomach was still in knots as she looked into those piercing blue eyes and just _kissed him_ in front of everybody. Even though the script had told her that this was what had to happen, her nerves were shot because she had this _gigantic_ crush on the junior in front of her and she was this little mousey sophomore who had somehow gotten the big lead in the fall play and he would never like her like she liked him-

But then his lips touched hers under the blinding lights of the stage and she stopped thinking and just _felt_ the electricity flowing from the tender touch of his lips and it's been this way every single rehearsal, even when they didn't touch. She must've been insane because Emma knew that Killian Jones didn't feel the same way about her, but her body would light up every time he looked at her and every time she would see the slight upturn of his lips in a small smile and she needed to fucking get over herself-

And when they parted, Emma had nearly fucking forgotten her line, looking up at his slightly swollen lips and his bright eyes. But he gently smiled at her and he spoke his line.

" _Not a day will go by that I won't think of you."_

Emma silently cleared her throat and spoke, " _Good_."

And in the darkness of the cast party after the show, held at the director's house, standing tightly in a corner, Killian spoke the words Emma had only wished to hear:

 _"Be mine, Emma Swan._ "

And everything changed.

* * *

Killian Jones went on to law school, determined to become a voice for those who needed it. And Emma-she went on to the New York Film Academy to pursue her acting career. Ever since her time playing opposite of Killian in numerous high school plays (and musicals, of course), Emma knew that she belonged on stage or in front of the camera. Acting brought meaning to her life and Killian supported her through every single step of the way.

Through a seemingly endless string of failed auditions, and commercials with horrid scripts, Killian was by her side with a wide smile and a quiet " _you can do this, Swan_."

Even though Killian had fallen out of acting after high school ended, he knew how much it mattered to Emma to succeed in the business and how acting brought her joy. And Emma was ever thankful for him and his unwavering support.

The loud sizzle of the bacon on the hot skillet echoed throughout the house as Killian moved the pieces around in the pan. It was nearing eleven in the morning, but he knew that Emma had stayed out late the previous night, chasing down one of her bail jumpers. If he thought back to the blurry edges of his mind, Killian could remember that she came crawling in at nearly three in the morning. At least it was a Saturday and Killian had no need to go into the office, bringing the piles of paperwork and his work laptop home with him so he could sit on his rear porch and take in the sun of early February, where the weather was unseasonably warm.

Killian slid the bacon onto a plate covered with a paper towel and placed two more raw pieces onto the hot skillet. The house was silent and he wondered when Emma would grace him with her presence. He knew that she could sleep all day, especially when she spent half of the previous day running down a perp, but he hoped she would wake up before the bacon went cold.

As though she was reading his mind, Emma walked into the open kitchen, her feet padding against the dark hardwood floors that go throughout the ranch-style house. Her hair was plaited in a long braid, hastily done after she woke up, and wearing Killian's dark blue robe. As she walked and sat at the island counter, Killian saw peeks of her bare legs, revealed by her obscenely short sleep shorts.

(The very ones Killian had nearly torn off multiple times and were falling apart at the seams because of his impatience in getting Emma naked.)

"Good morning, darling," Killian spoke, flipping the bacon in the skillet.

"Good morning," Emma replied, her voice still heavy with sleep and it was one of Killian's very favorite sounds. "The smell of the bacon woke me up, so I just had to get up and snatch some before you eat all of it."

Killian chuckled under his breath. "I wouldn't steal your bacon."

Killian looked over his shoulder and Emma stared at him incredulously, with her eyebrows raised high because that was a load of bull shit. He laughed again as he turned back to the bacon, moving them around the skillet. "Alright, fine. I would've stolen your bacon."

"I can't stay long though. I have a lunch meeting with Ruby," Emma spoke as Killian slid the bacon onto the plate and turned off the stove, moving to place the plate on the island counter.

Killian raised his eyebrows as he plucked one of the cooler pieces of bacon. "Potential role?"

Emma nodded. "Apparently. She thinks it's up my alley. I guess we'll see, though."

"I'm sure it'll be perfect for you, love."

Emma smiled gently at Killian with love in her eyes, taking a piece of bacon from the plate and biting into it. "I hope so."

* * *

"You can do this, love," Killian spoke over the phone as Emma breathed deeply on the other end. "We've practiced your lines over and over again. You'll be perfect and they'll have to choose you because nobody will be better than you."

"But Killian, this is for a _television_ show, not some low budget commercial like all of the other times," Emma sighed over the line and Killian pictured Emma pushing the hair back from her face in an anxious move. "They're probably wanting some big shot actress for this role. It's for the fucking lead and why do I even bother-"

"Emma Marie Swan," Killian interrupted Emma's nervous ramblings, "you stole the lead role in that play all those years ago. The sophomore that nobody had been looking out for and _you got that part_."

"But that was a stupid high school play, Killian."

"Doesn't matter. The point still stands, Emma. You weren't what anybody was expecting the director to pick and yet, she picked you," Killian stated. "And you _destroyed_ that play. Had everyone talking about you for the next month. You can do this, my love. I know you can. I've been on the other side of you many times and I know you are capable of getting this role."

"And what if I do, Killian?" Emma asked in a small voice and Killian himself had been wondering the very same thing.

What if she won the role? What if she had to move across the country to wherever to film and had to leave? What would happen to them?

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Don't let that stop you from winning the directors' hearts," Killian replied, contrary to his heart screaming to have her come home, to not film this audition at her agent's apartment and to not tempt fate.

But Killian wanted her- _needed_ her-to be happy. No matter the cost.

(Even if it meant he would be hurt in the process.)

(That's what he had to do for his one true love.)

* * *

Her feet were pressed tightly against his shins as they laid in bed, the moonlight spilling through the blinds. The light shined against Emma's hair, the image like an angel and Killian couldn't believe he was lucky enough to have this woman in his life. She blinked sleepily at him, but smiled as he stroked her cheek, cupping her face fully with his rough hands.

They were still nude from making love earlier that night, but Killian did not care. She had auditioned for the role in a new television show and according to Ruby, the directors really liked her. _Really_ liked her. Actually, they liked her so much, that they were flying to meet her in New York City, an hour's drive from their house. Killian knew they would-knew his fiancée would blow them away. But his heart was ultimately selfish and he wanted to keep her to himself. All to himself.

"Are you afraid?" Emma asked, her voice heavy with the slumber that threatened her eyelids.

He wanted to say _yes_. He wanted to tell her that he didn't want her to leave. He wanted to tell her that he loved her too much to let her go, to potentially move far away to pursue her dream.

But because he loved her, he had to lie.

"Not at all," Killian spoke and dragged a kiss across her lips. "Now, sleep. You have a big day tomorrow."

Emma smiled at Killian. "I love you, Killian Jones."

His heart broke a little and Killian smiled back. "I love you too, Emma Swan."

* * *

The wind began to pick up as the sun began to set over the horizon, sending a colder chill over Killian on the early March evening. Killian stared out across the large yard, leaning forward in the large lounge chair as his legs straddled the sides. He nursed a medium glass of rum in his hand, swirling it around and the ice clinking against the glass. His mind had been going a million miles an hour since Emma left that morning, driving into the city to meet with the directors of the show. His stomach was in knots because he knew what this could mean for her.

What it could mean for them.

He didn't want to be selfish. He wanted her- _needed_ her-to be happy. He wanted her to pursue her dreams, just as she had supported Killian when he went on to law school and questioned every step of it. He couldn't afford to be selfish with this because Emma was finally receiving the attention she deserved.

But he was bloody terrified of it.

His past was haunting him, reminding him of how his father left him and his brother and mother to live a better life with someone younger. He knew Emma wasn't like his father, that she would never leave him like that because she loved him too much and that she knew exactly how that felt. But his mind was telling him that it was only a matter of time before she moved on to something better ( _someone better_ ).

Killian heard the front door open and close loudly, and determined footsteps against the hardwood floors. He took a sip from his tumbler of rum as he heard Emma drop her purse on the island in the kitchen, waiting for her to walk the twenty feet through the breakfast nook and through the double glass doors to the patio.

And just as Killian thought she would, Emma emerged from between the doors and furrowed her eyebrows at Killian as she noticed the glass of rum in his hand. Her hair was down in gorgeous waves, something she had spent hours on this morning before she left to meet the directors. She was wearing that tight black pencil skirt that drove Killian out of his mind, with a red top tucked inside and a black blazer over top. She looked as though she belonged in that life, one full of glitz and glamour.

Not one that he could provide her with his sixty-hour work weeks as an under-paid lawyer.

"Hey," Emma spoke, stepping over to him and her heels clacking against the stone of the patio.

Killian smiled up at Emma toothlessly. "Hello, Swan."

"Is something wrong?" Emma asked, eyeing the rum in Killian's hand.

"I'm fine. Come here," Killian replied simply, holding apart his arms as Emma stepped over to the chair and sat between his legs, leaning her back against his chest. Killian wrapped his arms around Emma's stomach and she leaned her head back against his shoulder, her hair tickling against the skin of his neck. "How was the meeting?"

"It actually went really well," Emma spoke, her voice hopeful and Killian smiled because she sounded just so _happy_. "The lead actor is actually in New York City for a photoshoot and they want me to meet with him for a chemistry test. If that goes well…"

Killian pressed a kiss down onto Emma's covered shoulder. "We'll deal with it when it comes."

Emma turned her head and looked up at Killian, her green eyes reminding him of all those years ago, when he fell in love with the sophomore that questioned every little thing she did. "You aren't nervous about this chemistry test?"

Killian chuckled under his breath and lifted his hand to catch a curl between his fingers. "I doubt the actor is as devilishly handsome as I am."

Emma laughed. "Well, it is Graham Humbert."

Of course. The man on Emma's 'list.'

"Well, I guess I'll just have to make sure I leave you with some memories so you don't elope with Mr. Humbert, then."

Emma raised her eyebrows and a smile broke past her lips. "Oh really?"

"Really," Killian murmured as he ducked down and swept his tongue across Emma's lips, kissing her deeply and dizzyingly.

And he did leave her with some memories (and marks) that accompanied her to the chemistry test the next morning. Killian's work kept him busy, not allowing him time to be consumed with the worrying thoughts his mind was taunting him with. He had been running between meetings all day and answering emails and phone calls that he never bothered to check his cell phone. He wasn't able to see the missed calls from Emma and the one text with a phrase nobody ever liked to see.

It wasn't until Killian was departing from work at nearly eight at night that he was able to look at his phone and read the text.

 _We need to talk_.

Killian hurried home as soon as he saw the text, his heart pounding inside of his chest. Nobody ever wanted to see that text or hear those words. He knew she had something important to say, and he knew what it was. But that didn't stop Killian from being afraid.

So he took his time walking up the driveway to enter the house, and he took his time toeing off his shoes and dropping his keys onto the entry way table. He could smell something cooking in the kitchen and he heard Emma humming a random tune as she cooked. He walked through the entry way, his hands in his pockets, and stood at the island as he watched Emma stir a large spoon in a boiling pot of water.

It was a sight that he had seen time and time again, but Killian was always struck by the utter domesticity of the scene. She acted as though she had no care in the world, as though everything was utterly perfect.

And he supposed everything was perfect for her, given that she probably scored the role of a lifetime.

(He would miss her when she was gone.)

"Hey," Killian spoke and Emma nearly jumped out of her skin, turning around with her hand on her chest and her eyes wide.

"Jesus, you scared me."

"No need to be formal, love. 'Killian' would suffice."

Emma rolled her eyes and stepped to the island, tapping her fingernails against the granite counter top. "How was your day?"

"Rather busy. So busy that I didn't see your text until I was leaving the office," Killian replied and Emma began nibbling down on her lip. "What's going on, Emma?"

"I got the role," Emma said quickly and it took Killian two seconds flat to walk around the island and sweep her into his arms.

"Congratulations, Emma. I knew you could do it!" Killian spoke into her shoulder, even though his heart was breaking.

"I couldn't have done it without you," Emma replied and Killian placed her back down onto the floor. Emma held Killian's face in her hands, her thumbs sweeping around his cheeks. "Thank you for reminding me that I could do this."

Killian tilted his head, noticing that Emma didn't look nearly as enthused about winning the role as he thought she would. "Something's wrong. What is it?"

"Umm," Emma began saying, and then sighed, "Killian, filming is in Vancouver."

A knot grew in his throat. He expected filming to be in Atlanta or maybe in LA. But Vancouver? Another bloody country?

"And the filming for the pilot is starting almost immediately," Emma continued, running her hands through her silky hair as she remained in Killian's arms. "And who knows if the show will even get picked up, but I have to go to Vancouver next week 'cause the network will be seeing this pilot in May-if it's even chosen to be broadcasted. And they gave me the script today and I'm already freaking out about it because _I'm a main fucking character_ and there's so many lines and it's just-"

"Emma, breathe," Killian told her, placing his hands on her shoulders and breathed deeply with her. When she was back to breathing normally, Killian said, "You'll be fantastic, love. And you know it. And I'll help you run your lines until you have to leave."

"Killian?"

"Yes, Emma?"

"What if the show gets picked up and I have to go back to Vancouver to film?"

Killian gulped back the knot in his throat and wanted to rub at the pain in his heart. "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it."

* * *

He dropped her off at the airport that next Sunday, the airport filled with people flying out to celebrate their spring breaks. They had practiced her lines over and over again since she had received the script, and Killian was sure that Emma was going to blow everyone away at the filming.

But whenever he looked over to see her glistening eyes, he almost wanted to turn the car around to return home.

And now, standing in the middle of the airport, just by the security check-in, Killian still wanted to go home. They would only be apart for three weeks at the most, but they hadn't spent that much time apart since they began dating in high school. Emma wrapped her arms tightly around Killian's waist, and he wrapped his around Emma's upper back, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"I love you," Emma muttered into his chest.

"I love you too," Killian responded, ignoring the knot in his throat and the watering of his eyes.

"I'll call you at my layover and when I get to Vancouver, alright?" Emma stated and Killian nodded, bending down to rest his forehead against hers. "I love you so much, okay?"

"I love you more," Killian replied and kiss her forehead and her cheeks and her lips and all over until Emma began laughing, choking on the tears that have escaped her eyes. "Come back to me in one piece, alright?"

Emma nodded and slowly, they pulled apart. Killian kissed Emma's lips one last time as he swiped away more of her tears, and then she was gone.

He was restless around the house while he waited and waited for any word from her. He washed and rewashed the dishes in the sink, finally deciding to just stick them in the dishwasher after the third rewash, and sat out on the patio to stare out at the horizon as the sun set. But no matter what he did, Killian's mind would not waver from Emma.

Emma would help him wash the dishes when they lived in that small, one-bedroom apartment that didn't have a dishwasher.

Emma would sit on the patio with him to watch the sunset. Even the sunrise on the rare morning they were both able to be up that early.

No matter what he did, his heart hurt because he already missed his love. The longest time they had ever been apart since they first began dating was when Killian had to go to a conference in Chicago for a weekend a few years ago. They had talked every night and texted while he was supposed to be paying attention to whatever the speakers were saying.

(To this day, Killian had no idea what anybody had said, or even their bloody names.)

They talked for a short time during her layover in Toronto, their usual banter slightly strained from the pressure of the weeks they would be apart. Neither of them spoke aloud the worries that plagued them, and for that, Killian was thankful. He didn't want to ruin his time speaking with Emma by asking her what would happen to them if the show was picked up and she had to live in Vancouver for an extended period of time?

As Killian said before to Emma, they would cross that bridge when they reached it.

And when Killian woke up the next morning, he saw a text of Emma lying in the bed in her hotel room, eyes tired and red and her hair flared out around her, with the message "I miss you already."

If Killian didn't leave bed at all that day, just staring at the picture and allowing himself to cry, that was something he kept to himself.

* * *

"How's filming going?" Killian asked, adjusting the pillow behind his back as he sat up against the headboard.

Emma shrugged and the camera delayed for a bit, causing her face to freeze as she opened her mouth. "Pretty well so far. Everyone's really cool. We've had a few late nights during filming, so we all band together and just sing random songs."

Killian's heart lightened at the smile on Emma's face. They had maybe a week and a half left and then she'd be home and back in his arms and he couldn't be more excited about it. "Is Humbert as dashing in person as he is on screen?"

Emma laughed loudly, slapping a hand over her face. "Of course you'd ask that."

"I just simply need to know if I have any competition. That's all, love."

Emma rolled her eyes and she laughed under her breath, bringing her hand back down to her lap. "He's definitely a lot more attractive in person and he's very friendly, but there's nothing you need to worry about, babe. Sure, we've had to kiss a few times for some scenes, but it's nothing more than just being costars and knowing that's what we have to do. I'm still yours, Killian Jones."

Jealousy flared in Killian for a moment when Emma mentioned Graham. He was on her list, after all, and it didn't necessarily make things easier with the distance between them. But Killian squashed down that feeling, knowing that Emma never lied and that she truly meant that there was nothing else going on between them.

Killian smiled, his jealousy under control. "And I yours, Emma Swan."

* * *

Killian's sight was beginning to blur, the sharp lines of the bar counter beginning to fade from the alcohol he had consumed. But he didn't care. Not when Liam was paying for him and Killian finally wasn't alone for the night.

Not when his heart still hurt from Emma being away for so long.

Liam clapped Killian on the shoulder, laughing as the tequila shot buzzed through his system. "Cheer up, little brother. She'll be home tomorrow and I know she won't want to deal with your sorry, hungover arse when she comes in."

Killian shoved Liam away with his elbow into Liam's ribs. "Bugger off. Let me brood for a while, yeah?"

Liam rolled his eyes and dropped his arm over Killian's shoulders, speaking loudly over the din of the bar. "I've let you brood all night. Give it a rest. She'll be back in your gangly arms tomorrow afternoon. I haven't seen you since before she left for filming and I'd rather not spend our entire time together with you pouting at your beer glass."

"'Snot my fault you were out of town, being the big business hot shot you are," Killian slurred, running his hand through his too-long hair.

"Still. Let's have another drink or two or five and I'll send you merrily on your way back home, where you can brood in the privacy of your own bedroom," Liam replied, holding up two fingers to the bartender down the counter, asking for two more shots of tequila. "Until then, let's drink to Emma's good fortune and get utterly pissed."

"For once, you sound wise, old man," Killian jabbed at his brother and Liam laughed, mumbling ' _you'll be lucky to look like me when you get old, Killian.'_

And Killian returned home in a cab, thoroughly drunk after two more pints of beer and just one last shot of tequila. He stumbled out of the car after paying the driver (and probably paying way more tip than needed) and walked into his house, dropping his car keys loudly onto the front table and mumbling to himself about picking it up in the morning (if he wasn't dead).

He swayed as he walked down the hallway to the left of the entry way, placing his hands on either side of the hallway as he walked back to his bedroom. He kicked off his boots as he stumbled his way back there, knowing well that he would trip over them in the morning. But Killian didn't care. At this moment, all he wanted was for Emma to be home. He wanted to be able to feel her hair around his fingers, to hear her gentle laughter, to smell her berry shampoo just as she walked out of the shower.

Killian just simply _missed_ Emma, with every fiber of his being.

He nearly fell over his feet as he entered the bedroom, tripping over the bit of carpet coming up from the bloody floor and he swore he'd fix that when it first started coming up years ago and now he almost fucking killed himself-

There was a short giggle from inside the bedroom and Killian twisted his head to look at the bed in the center of the room, where a beautiful woman was relaxing across the mattress.

Killian furrowed his eyebrows because he could swear it was Emma, but she wasn't coming in until the next day and there was no way she was here, right in front of him. Her hair was flowing over her arm, which was propped up and holding up her head. She was smiling, just as Killian had pictured her every day since she had been gone.

"Not used to women in your bed, Jones?" The Emma mirage asked, a smirk playing at her lips.

Killian squinted and mentally shook his head and yet, she was still there. Emma was still there, relaxing on her side. His eyes trailed down her body, across the curve of her breasts and the curve of her hip. It was like she was _there_.

"Either I had far more to drink than I thought I did, or you're really here," Killian stated with a quiet voice, stepping closer to the four-poster bed. The alcohol would not dull the pain if she wasn't truly there, so he stepped forward hesitantly.

"Why don't you come over and see?" Emma asked, moving to recline back on her haunches and scooting closer to the edge of the bed.

Killian slowly lifted his hand, holding his breath because he was sure his hand was going to fall straight through this realistic hallucination and _what the hell did his brother give him to drink_ -

His hand met the soft skin of Emma's cheek and her eyes slowly slid shut, leaning her head into his hand as if she was finally _home_. Her hair fell over his hand as his thumb stroked her cheek and _she was actually here_.

"I came back a day early because I just needed to see you and I missed you so much and-"

Killian surged forward and kissed Emma, pressing his lips insistently against hers because _she was here and she was home and he missed her so goddamn much_. Emma raised herself onto her knees and wrapped her hands around the hair at the nape of Killian's neck, pulling him closer with every kiss. Killian poured all of his love into each press of his lips, making sure she knew how much he loved her and how much he missed her.

Emma chased his lips as Killian pulled away, thumbing at the dent in her chin while she smiled. "This was quite the surprise, love."

"I just missed you a lot and I had to see you," Emma repeated, leaning her forehead against his. "I couldn't stop thinking about you during the past three weeks. I can't even imagine how it'll be if the show gets picked up and we have to film a full season and I'll be away from you for months at a time-"

"Hey, hey, hey," Killian murmured, his hands moving to cup Emma's face in his hands fully. He looked into her tearing eyes and smiled gently. "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it, yeah?"

Emma nodded and pulled him back to her, leaning back onto the bed and pulling Killian with her to get reacquainted.

* * *

March turned into April and April turned into May in a seamless flow of gradually warmer weather. Days are spent relaxing on the patio, wearing shorts and flip flops and grilling hamburgers. Killian and Emma spent weekends gardening in the front of their house, saying 'hello' to the neighbors as they jogged by, and nights relearning each other's bodies, still making up for the lost three weeks.

As the days went on in early May, Killian's nerves grew and grew. He knew the time was coming that the network was going to decide whether or not to pick up Emma's pilot. Most of him wanted them to pick up the show because Emma had worked so hard and deserved this success more than anything. But the other part of Killian was terrified, knowing that if the show was chosen, Emma would have to leave again and they would have to decide what to do.

His stomach churned when Emma announced that that coming Saturday, after the first full week of May, would be the day the networks determined what shows to pick up for the fall season. Emma seemed to have read the alarm on Killian's face because she stepped forward and instantly kissed him, falling into the typical routine of ignoring the looming future by entangling themselves in bed. But the day came and Emma received a call from one of the directors of her show, a Mr. Damian Gold.

The show would go on.

He could see the anxiety in Emma's eyes when she told him. He could hear the waver of her voice and could almost feel the shaking of her hands as she stood in front of him. But he couldn't speak. His own anxiety grabbed ahold of his voice and was strangling him like a vice.

"Please say something, Killian," Emma pleaded, sliding her phone into her back pocket and crossing her arms over her chest.

Killian forced away the anxiety and he smiled, saying, "Congratulations, Emma. You deserve it."

"Killian, you know that's not what I meant," Emma spoke quietly, uncrossing her arms to wrap her hands around Killian's and keeping her eyes down.

His heart physically ached at Emma's voice (so quiet and so small). He wished he was strong enough to keep his emotions in check around her, but she had always been able to read him easily. He stepped forward and tightened his hands around hers and his heart broke at the sound of a quiet sniffle.

"We'll figure it out-"

"Stop saying that! It's here and we need to figure it out _now_ , Killian," Emma spoke frustratingly, eyes remaining glued to the floor. "We're at the fucking bridge now and we need to cross it so just break up with me if you want to-"

"Emma, no, no, no," Killian immediately said, releasing her hands and angling her head up to look at him with his hands on the sides of her face. "I don't want to do that. I mean, unless you want to-"

"No, of course not. I just-I know how hard this has been on you, on us, and I know you're nervous and shit I am too," Emma began rambling, taking a deep breath and sniffling again as a tear spilled onto her cheek. "I just don't want you to feel like you have to stay engaged to me when I'm going to be in a different fucking country."

"Firstly, Emma, Canada is barely a different country; it isn't as though you're moving off to England," Killian spoke and Emma snorted, wiping away her tears. "Secondly, I didn't propose to you just to give up when this happened because I knew it would. I believed in you ever since I saw you audition for that play and I will never stop believing in you."

Killian noticed Emma's throat bob with a gulp. "So, what do you want to do?"

"You'll go off to Vancouver to film and I'll stay here in New York, working my arse off to visit you whenever I can," Killian replied, smiling gently at the love of his life. "We'll Skype and text and call each other whenever we can and we won't let this ruin us, alright?"

Emma nodded and ducked into his shoulder, wrapping her arms around his waist. Killian responded in kind, wrapping his arms around Emma's back and tightening as much as he could. He took in the scent of her perfume (the same kind her bought for her on their most recent anniversary) and the feel of her hair against his stubbly cheek.

"Filming begins in mid-July," Emma mumbled against Killian's shoulder and his stomach drops. _Only a month and a half._ "And it might go through early December. And I guess we'll see if we get picked up for a full season, which we won't see until maybe October, so who knows-"

"We'll get through it, Emma. I promise," Killian responds, pressing a kiss to the side of her head. "Maybe I should move up there with you when you have to go."

Emma shook her head and pulled back, but her arms remained around Killian. "No. Don't do that. Not until I know that the show is going forward. Not until I know if there's gonna be a second season and it's far too early for that. I don't want you to uproot everything just because I got a job."

Killian wanted to argue with Emma, to tell her that she was his everything, but he understood what she was coming from. Moving to Canada would take a long time, just to be even allowed to move. But he'd be leaving his job and Liam and even though he loved Emma with all his heart, he knew she was right.

He just hoped his heart would make it through.

* * *

Rain pounded against the windows as Killian relaxed on the couch, mindlessly flipping through the channels as he tried to occupy his mind. Emma had been gone for the past two months, busy filming long days in Vancouver. They texted whenever she had time, but typically since they were both busy during the week, they saved their conversations for the weekends.

But she was out yet again, hanging out with her cast mates, while Killian slouched on the couch on this dreary Saturday evening in mid-September, only two weeks before the first episode of Emma's show was to premiere.

It was the third time in the past three weeks that she had forgone talking to Killian via Skype to hang out with her cast mates. He couldn't be angry at her for doing that, since they still end up talking for a bit on Sundays anyways. He knew that she must be lonely in Vancouver, so far away from where she calls home, so he couldn't blame her for wanting to bond with those she worked with.

But jealousy reared its ugly head and hissed out _Graham Humbert_ and Killian kicked it away, not allowing it to fester in his mind because he knew Emma wouldn't lie.

"Have you finally picked something to watch yet?" David Nolan spoke as he stepped into the living room, holding the beer bottles Killian asked him to grab. "I guess not. Just do _Pirates of the Caribbean_ again."

Killian sighed as David sat down beside him on the suede couch, taking a beer from David's offered hand. "That's what we watched last time."

" _Pirates of the Caribbean II_ , then?"

Killian sighed again and chose the movie, clicking the remote and settling back into the couch as he twisted off the cap of the bottle. They clinked the bottles together and began watching the movie, the only sound other than the movie being the pounding rain outside. Killian was lucky that he was actually close friends with his boss, so he wouldn't always be alone when Emma was off shooting the show.

But even though he was friends with his boss, it didn't stop David from meddling in his personal life.

"Have you talked to Emma recently?" David asked, just as the opening of the movie was beginning.

Killian groaned internally as he sipped on his beer. He just wanted to take his mind off his life for a moment, which was why he invited David over in the first place. Killian should've just known better. "We texted a bit last night and this morning."

"I thought this was designated Skyping time," David asked, glancing over at Killian, who was staring straight at the movie.

(And not even watching at this point.)

Killian outwardly groaned this time. "She's hanging out with the cast tonight. Bonding and all of that."

"Mmhmm," David muttered and annoyance flared up Killian's spine. "And she did that last week too?"

"What's your point, Dave?" Killian grumbled out and sipped on his beer again.

"That it's a good thing. She's becoming friends with her costars. She's going to be up there for a while, so it makes sense to be friends with them," David explained, relaxing back against the couch. "You understand that, right?"

"Of course I do," Killian replied and it was the truth. He was happy that Emma wasn't too lonely over in Vancouver and he knew it was important for her to actually befriend her cast mates. He still missed her more than he could say and her distance never grew any easier on him.

David raised his eyebrows, but settled against the couch again as he sipped on his beer, not speaking another word throughout the movie.

It wasn't until later that evening, long after David left with a concerned look in his eyes, that Killian heard the chiming of Skype coming from his laptop, alerting him to an incoming call. He muted the television and brought his laptop onto his lap, seeing that Emma was now calling him. He clicked the green button to answer the call and he ran his hand through his hair, waiting for the video to show Emma's face.

Soon, the blackness cleared and Emma's face popped up on the screen, the camera shaky as she Skyped him on her phone. Although the camera was grainy, he could see the exhaustion on Emma's face. He could tell that her long days of filming were wearing her out. But as soon as her eyes landed on Killian's face, it seemed as though her entire face lit up, exhaustion sliding away and all that remained was the woman he loved and missed more than anything.

"Hey," Emma spoke as she smiled and Killian couldn't stop himself from smiling back.

"Hey there, Swan," Killian replied. "I thought you were busy."

"I just got back from eating with the cast. Graham and I are about to rehearse our scenes for this week," Emma responded and that's when Killian heard someone talking from outside of the camera's view. It was a deep voice and one that Killian recognized from numerous movie nights, spent with Emma on this very couch.

Graham must've been in the room with her.

"Sounds exciting," Killian stated, ignoring the jealousy furling in his gut. He knew it was dumb to get so jealous over Emma spending time with her costar, which was only expected. But his demons were coming out to taunt him, to prey on his insecurities about Emma being in Vancouver and having to work-to _kiss_ -with a handsome man.

"Will you put that away?" Emma asked off camera, her head twisted to the right to talk to someone out of view. "We just ate. Put away the goddamn chips, Graham." She shook her head and sighed, standing up from the couch and walking through her apartment and Killian really tried to stomp down on the jealousy coursing through his veins. "So what did you do today?"

Killian shrugged as he listened to Emma plop down on her bed, the springs creaking beneath her. "Dave came over for a movie, but that's it."

"I'm really sorry about having to postpone our Skype date again like that," Emma spoke and Killian could tell that she genuinely meant it. "It's just-I need to spend time with the cast too, since I work with them and all. And it's not that I don't miss you because I _really_ do, but I have to prepare for filming and all this other shit-"

"Hey, hey, hey," Killian said, resituating the laptop on his lap. "I understand. I know you need to bond with them and all of that. I know it must be lonely up there and no part of me wants you to feel alone again, Emma. I've been working a lot more overtime recently to try to be able to visit you, but until then, you'll only have your coworkers and our Skype conversations."

Emma nodded, the camera delaying for a bit. He wished to be able to reach through the camera and tug her into his arms, dropping a kiss onto her forehead. But he couldn't, so he tamped down on those feelings. "I miss you a lot, Killian. This bed's too big without you."

And Killian's heart physically ached because he knew the feeling all too well, stretching out in his own bed and expecting to find Emma's hand under the covers, but always finding nothing but an empty and cold space.

"I miss you too, love. More than I can say."

He chose to leave out that he felt as though a piece of him was missing and that sometimes, he'd sit out on the rear patio to look at the night sky and would just hope that she was possibly looking up at the stars at the same time. He left out that sometimes, when he woke up in the morning, he would flip over to kiss her good morning and she wouldn't be there and his heart would break just a little bit more.

"I hope I can see you soon. Maybe I'll try to fly home for a weekend-"

Killian shook his head. "I don't think we can afford it right now. Maybe a little bit more time of me working extra hours will help."

Emma sighed. "I know. I just hate this. I love it here and being able to do what I love, but I miss you so much that sometimes I just want to go home."

"I know, Emma," Killian murmured, placing his hand on the computer screen because that was the closest he could get to touching her. "We'll get through this. I promise."

Emma furiously wiped away at the tears Killian hadn't noticed that had fallen onto her cheeks. "Graham helps a lot, you know. I think you two would really get along well. He has family back in Ireland that he left when he got this role, so he understands. Sometimes, we just sit on my couch and cry it out when it's been a rough week."

Killian smiled weakly because it sounded as though she was genuinely just friends with Graham, even though his mind liked to trick him into thinking it was more and that he should be afraid that she'll leave him for someone much closer.

(Even though he was closer and closer to giving into those thoughts.)

"I'm happy you have someone there who understands," Killian told her. "Liam's been trying to distract me by taking me out drinking and Dave likes to come over to watch a movie or two, but…you know how it is."

Emma nodded, her hair glinting in the sun coming through her windows of her apartment. "I know. But hopefully it won't be too long. I'll count down the days until I see you again."

"As will I," Killian replied. "I love you, Emma Swan."

Emma smiled and his heart pounded because _God_ he missed this woman. "And I love you, Killian Jones."

* * *

Killian remained on top of any and every article relating to Emma's new show, _Light And Dark_. He watched the series premiere live and was beyond amazed at the acting on this show. Of course, Emma made her mark and he had immediately called her, raving on and on about how it was brilliant and that she was beyond perfect as the main lead.

(But he skipped over the parts of experiencing blinding jealousy when he witnessed the multiple kissing scenes between Emma and Graham.)

And that was why on a chilly day in mid-October, when Killian logged onto his computer at work, his heart stopped.

 _Light And Dark_ had been chosen for a full-season order, which meant Emma would be filming after the New Year.

Not a half hour later, Emma called him, telling him the news herself and he could hear the tension in her voice. He knew that the distance and time apart was getting to her, but it would only be a month until she was home for Thanksgiving and neither of them still had the money to visit the other. He promised her that they would Skype all that weekend and have a special Skype call to celebrate the full season order.

(Even though his heart was breaking every day that she was gone.)

* * *

Liam slid a bowl full of pasta onto the table, placing it in front of Killian. Liam sat across from Killian at the kitchen table in Liam's house for one of their weekly dinners and immediately dug into the buttered noodles. Killian knew that it was only a matter of time before his meddlesome brother-well-meddled in Killian's business. But he began eating the pasta in silence, hoping that Liam will have the decency to just wait until he wasn't a starving mess.

The only sound in the house as they ate came from the television, playing in the next room, and a nearby dog barking. The silence allowed Killian's thought to run rampant. He thought Liam's company could help tame his thoughts, but all Killian could think about was how Emma was probably with Graham and how they were probably laughing and enjoying each other's company-

"You all right there, brother?" Liam asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

Killian swallowed back the knot in his throat and nodded. "I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Why don't you tell me?" Liam asked, relaxing in his chair with his arms crossed over his chest and his half-eaten bowl of pasta sitting on the table.

Killian sighed and dropped the fork into his bowl of pasta. "Liam-"

"I've lived with you and now I live with a twelve-year-old boy who seems to have picked up your penchant for brooding. Something is clearly bothering you. What's wrong?"

Killian ran his hand over his face, and then dropped his chin into his propped-up hand. Liam laughed under his breath at Killian and spoke, "So this has to do with Emma. I thought you two were fine."

"We are," Killian stated firmly.

Liam rose an eyebrow. "But…"

Killian sighed again. "But we haven't seen each other in months because it just isn't an option for either of us right now and she's always hanging around Graham bloody Humbert and I trust her, but I'm still going crazy over all of this."

"Her handsome costar? That's what you're worried about?" Liam asked incredulously, as if Killian was acting crazy.

"I get that it's insane, that I'm crazy for being jealous, but I'm not there and he always is and sooner or later, that's gonna mean something to her," Killian began rambling. "She's gonna see Graham as the man who was always there for her when I couldn't be there, and then we'll be done."

Liam's tongue trailed across his bottom lip as thought. Killian thought that Liam's unspoken words would break him, but after a few moments of Liam scratching his mop of curly hair and staring at the wall in thought, he spoke.

"I see."

Killian raised his eyebrows. "'I see.' Liam, I'm having a bloody existential crisis over here and all you can say is 'I see?'"

"Killian, you know exactly what you need to do. You've been with her for ten years. You know how to fix things."

Killian sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I should talk to her about it."

"Yes, you should. You know that. I've only drilled that into your head about a million times after Michelle," Liam mumbled out and drank a long pull from his glass of rum.

"I-I'm sorry," Killian whispered guiltily, dropping his arm from the table into his lap.

"Just-talk to her, Killian. Don't let this stew and suddenly have it blow up and then God forbid something happens to either one of you and you can't take it back."

Killian nodded as he looked down at his tangled hands in his lap. "Of course, Liam."

"It's been two bloody years and I still regret every part of that day, Killian," Liam spoke, his voice heavy with grief. "As much as I tease you two, I wouldn't wish that on you. Or anybody."

Killian stood and moved to the chair next to Liam's at the square table. He clapped his hand onto his older brother's shoulder. "I know. I remember."

Liam took a deep breathed and turned to Killian with slightly red eyes. "Anyways, Emma would never cheat on your sorry arse. She's too in love with you. You're still engaged for a reason."

Killian chuckled. "There's my prat of an older brother."

Liam laughed back, sneakily wiping away a tear from his cheek. "It's my only duty as an older brother."

"I presume Malcolm is taking after you in that regard?"

Liam laughed again. "Oh you have no idea. I think that has taken over Michelle's more endearing qualities, may God rest her soul."

"She'd be proud of you two, Liam."

Liam sighed heavily and placed his hand on Killian's shoulder. "And she would've been proud of you and Emma. Talk to her, brother."

Killian nodded. "Aye. I will."

* * *

Time moved quickly and suddenly, it was Thanksgiving. The autumn leaves decorated the yard as Killian hurried out to his car and began to drive to the airport on a Sunday afternoon, as Emma had been given a week break from filming to come home for the holiday. Killian had thought that this time would have been perfect to confess to Emma his insecurities and worries, but a week prior to Thanksgiving, Emma told Killian that she had invited one of her costars back home with her. The lass went by the name of Elsa and she was from Norway and Emma had decided to open their home to her for the holiday, since Norway was a long way away from Vancouver.

And there went Killian's plan to describe the pain of jealousy to Emma, as he knew it would be bad form to air his bad laundry in front of a guest.

But as soon as he saw Emma's beautiful and smiling face pop in between the crowds of the airport, his worries melted away because he was blessed with this woman's love and how could he be so foolish? She had remained by his side through high school and college and the grueling years of law school, unwavering even when Killian was seriously rethinking what he wanted in his life.

(But he had never doubted Emma's place by his side. He had never once looked into her eyes and felt anything other than love and care and admiration for this gorgeous and stubborn woman beside him.)

(And Killian would never allow that to change. He loved her too fiercely to let it.)

Killian barely even noticed the fellow blonde-haired woman following Emma, only seeing Emma's smile as she ran through the crowd with her carry-on swinging on her shoulder. He couldn't help but smile in return as she dropped her bag onto the tile ground and jumped into his arms, her arms tight around his neck and her legs around his hips. His arms immediately tightened around her waist and he buried his face into her neck, inhaling her shampoo and perfume deeply and trying to memorize her scent again.

"I've missed you so much," Emma whispered into his ear, her voice broken as tears began to surface.

"I've missed you too, Emma," Killian replied, her long curls tickling his nose. "So, so much."

Emma sighed. "God, I've missed you saying my name."

Killian chuckled under his breath and turned his mouth more toward her ear. "I'm sure you have a few tricks up your sleeves to make me say it more."

Emma laughed into his neck and her arms tightened. "Oh you have no fucking idea, Killian Jones."

And the bolt of desire that shot through Killian's body did not go unnoticed by him. "I've missed you saying my name too, lass."

"And I'm sure you missed my completely ladylike mouth."

"Only the most."

Emma laughed again and her legs unwrapped from around his hips, slowly sliding back down to the ground. But not a moment later, Emma stood up onto her toes and pulled Killian's head down to hers, meeting his lips and a fierce, but lazy kiss that ignited his veins. Her tongue peeked out and tangled with his for a moment, but then Emma pulled away. Killian moved forward to continue the kiss, but Emma began to chuckle.

"Easy, tiger. We've got company," Emma murmured as she nodded to the side, at the woman Killian noticed walking with Emma earlier. Emma stepped away from Killian, but wrapped her hand around his as she gestured to the woman. "This is Elsa. She plays-"

"Your half-sister," Killian spoke, smiling over at Emma. "I have been watching, love."

Emma rolled her eyes as Elsa shyly waved her hand, keeping herself physically closed off. "Thank you so much for allowing me to join you two for the holiday. I really appreciate it."

"It's not a problem," Killian replied. "We'll be having dinner with my brother and his son, so you'll have plenty of company for the holiday."

"That'll be nice," Elsa stated and Killian realized that it may take her a bit to warm up to others.

But over the next few days, Elsa slowly began to come out of her shell, especially when she was in Emma's company. It was clear that the two had a close bond, which lessened the ache of Killian's heart. He knew she wasn't all alone in Vancouver (or only surrounded by Graham) and that maybe she wasn't nearly as pained by their separation as Killian was.

But with how Emma would constantly reach out for him for just a small touch, Killian realized his thoughts were silly. She had missed him every moment while they were apart and she would continue to miss him when she had to return to Vancouver after the New Year. So Killian would reciprocate every touch and kiss and brush of her hair, making sure she knew just how much he had missed her and how much he had wanted her back home.

The touches didn't cease, even as they sat at Liam's home in the large dining room. And they especially didn't stop whenever Malcolm made an obnoxious gagging noise because that was purely Killian's job as an uncle, to tease and embarrass Malcolm whenever Killian could. Liam would laugh at his son's antics, but Killian always noticed the pain behind Liam's eyes.

It had been two years since Michelle had passed and holidays were still painful for the family.

But Elsa had somehow brought Liam out of the usual brooding that accompanied the holidays. Emma and Killian exchanged knowing glances, clearly seeing Elsa's giggling and Liam's smiling and Malcolm's excitement over having someone new at the table. Malcolm's curly mop of hair shook every time he nodded wildly at a probing question from Elsa and it was a sight to see, witnessing Malcolm shedding his brooding shell (which he obviously got from both his uncle and his father, to be entirely honest). Killian hadn't seen Malcolm so joyful since that dreaded day and Killian had missed seeing his nephew's smile.

And from the way Emma squeezed Killian's hand under the table and the unshed tears glimmering in her eyes when their stares met, she had missed it too.

"I think someone has a crush," Killian murmured into Emma's ear as they helped clean the dishes, while Elsa, Liam, and Malcolm watched football in the living room around the corner.

Emma laughed under her breath, her shoulder bumping into Killian's as she scrubbed at the plates. "You mean Liam and Elsa or Malcolm and Elsa?"

Killian chuckled, looking over at Emma, who had a strand of hair in front of her face that had fallen from her half-up hairstyle. "I guess both of the Jones boys are a little in love, I suppose."

"It's good, though. They both deserve it."

A knot developed in Killian's throat as he turned back to the dishes. "Aye. They really do."

"I haven't heard Liam and Malcolm laugh so much since the accident," Emma murmured under her breath, looking up at Killian and resting her hands on the edge of the sink. "Maybe we set up another time to hang out with them before we go back."

Killian nodded and looked over at his fiancée with a smile. "That's a splendid idea, love."

Emma smiled back at him and Killian was just so suddenly consumed with love and admiration for the woman in front of him that he couldn't stop himself from brushing the hair back from her face and deeply kissing her, with his soapy hands cupping her cheeks. Emma laughed into his mouth, but it quickly turned into a moan when he slid his tongue against her lips. Her hands fisted in the fabric of his button-down shirt and she tugged him closer to her.

" _God_ , guys! Get a room!" Malcolm huffed loudly and they jumped apart, twisting their heads to see the snarky twelve-year-old standing in the archway to the kitchen.

"Are they kissing in the kitchen again?" Liam called from the living room, another archway in the hallway beside the kitchen.

"Yep!" Malcolm replied with a loud pop on the 'p.' "You'd think they'd come up with a better place to make out. But no-o-o-o; it's always the kitchen."

Killian scratched behind his ear as Emma turned bright red and returned to the sink. "How about you go back to the living room with your dad and Elsa, yeah?"

"Only if you give me three Cokes from the fridge," Malcolm replied, his brown eyes lighting up with mischief. "And five bucks."

"I'm gonna go bloody broke because of him," Killian mumbled under his breath as he walked over to the fridge and grabbed the Cokes Malcolm had asked for. He reached into his back pocket for his wallet and examined his cash. "I've only got a ten in here, Malcolm-"

"I'll take that," Malcolm chirped as he reached into Killian's wallet and snagged the ten, running away before Killian could catch him.

Killian sighed as he walked back to stand beside Emma at the sink, who was laughing as she scrubbed at the silverware. "That's where all my money bloody goes."

"You need to learn to stand up to him. You're gonna be such a pushover when we have kids," Emma said as she continued to laugh.

Killian pouted and flicked water at her and she gasped as the water stained her blood-red dress. Emma immediately returned fire, tossing soap bubbles straight at Killian's face. Killian quickly wiped away the bubbles with a spare dish towel and held up his hands, signaling surrender. Emma laughed and snatched the dish towel from his hand to dab at the cloth of the dress, drawing attention to her breasts and the flat of her stomach. Killian subtly gulped as he turned back to the sink to put the dishes into the dishwasher, hurrying because his thoughts were turning to a very naughty place and he should not be thinking like this in his brother's house.

(And when they finally leave, ushering Elsa through the front door as she made eyes at Liam, Malcolm shouted "I think they're gonna have sex."

Bloody hellion.)

* * *

And for the next month, Killian helped Emma and Elsa practice for the upcoming filming for the second half of the season. They would run lines all day and through the night, snacking on stale pizza and chips and slightly melted ice cream. Even Malcolm and Liam would come over to the house and help Emma and Elsa rehearse, though it was clear Liam much preferred to be in Elsa's company (which Emma and Killian would giggle about late at night).

Christmas came and went with snow constantly falling and sticking to the ground. Malcolm had convinced Killian and Emma to go sledding with him, while Liam took Elsa out for tour of the city. And when they returned, it was quite the sight to see the two of them kissing under the strategically placed mistletoe that hung above the door to the patio. Emma had pinched Killian's side because it had been entirely his idea and Malcolm made a loud gagging sound, which caused the two of them to jump apart.

(Killian laughed later about how that must've been how it looked for Emma and Killian to be interrupted kissing while in the kitchen whenever they visit Liam's house.)

But it was a dreary day just a few days after the beginning of the New Year when Killian had to drive Emma and Elsa back to the airport, with Liam and Malcolm tagging along because they refused to allow Elsa out of their sight until she was gone. As he drove, his hand remained wrapped around Emma's and he refused to let go of her because he did not know when he would see her next. And every time their eyes met during the drive, Killian's heart broke a little more because _he didn't want her to leave again_.

And as they stood in the airport, with Emma wrapped tightly in his arms and Elsa and Liam blatantly making out in the middle of the atrium, Killian didn't want to let her go. He wanted to keep her by his side, to forever feel her warmth against him and to smell that perfume and to hear her gentle snores as she slept.

"I already miss you," Emma murmured against his shoulder, her arms tightening around his waist.

Killian gulped and tried to keep away the tears. "Let me know when you land for your layover and-"

"I'll text you when I get home. I know how this goes," Emma continued, her voice cracking and _he didn't want her to go._ "Unfortunately."

"I'll try to visit. I promise," Killian told her, moving his head to press against hers. "I've been working a lot of overtime and it's starting to add up, so maybe sometime soon, alright?"

Emma nodded against his forehead and stood up on her toes to kiss him. The love rushed through him and he just wanted to remain like this, but nothing can last forever, so Emma pulled away and wiped away her tears and the moment was gone.

"I love you," Emma stated firmly, as if she was afraid he would forget.

(He could never forget.)

"I love you," Killian replied back and Emma grabbed her carry-on bag, saying goodbye to Liam and Malcolm while Elsa sneakily wiped away a few tears and walked over to Killian.

"She really does miss you, just so you know," Elsa told Killian, sniffling as she held her large purse in her hands. "I figure tonight will be a big cry night, along with lets-stuff-our-faces-with-chocolate-and-ice-cream night."

Killian laughed and wiped away a tear that spilled onto his cheek. He stepped forward and hugged Elsa, a big step from her awkward wave to him when they first met. "She doesn't like to ask for help, but try to help her."

"I will," Elsa replied and she kissed Killian on the cheek as they pulled apart. "Keep an eye on your brother and Malcolm for me?"

"Of course," Killian responded truthfully and Elsa smiled gently, and then she stepped away and left with Emma.

Liam, Malcolm, and Killian didn't leave until Emma and Elsa disappeared past the security line. That's when they solemnly returned to the car, politely ignoring Malcolm's quiet sniffles and stepping into the car as though everything was perfectly fine and they did not have to say goodbye to the women who have changed their lives.

(And if Killian ignored the shared sniffles from Malcolm and Liam, it was because he was breaking on the inside and understood their pain.)

(And if when Killian laid in his bed that night, looking at the empty and cold space beside him and reaching out as if Emma would suddenly appear before him, and began to cry heartbreaking sobs, that was entirely his own business.)

* * *

Their first fight came a month later, just under a week and a half before the holiday dedicated to couples in love.

Killian was lying in bed as he waited impatiently for Emma to call him over Skype. It had been a torturous day of paperwork and meeting with clients at the office and even though he had finally gotten the pay raise he deserved, Killian was beyond exhausted from all the work he had done. But he knew it was all worth it because soon, he'd be able to afford to fly out to Vancouver and see Emma. It had only been a month, but he still missed her with his entire soul.

His fingers tapped nonsensically against the laptop while he waited for Emma to make time for him on that Friday night. She'd _promised_ she'd make it tonight, but he knew that filming could run late and that maybe she was going out to dinner with her costars and _Graham bloody Humbert_ -

A chiming came from his laptop, signaling that Emma was finally calling him. He quickly pressed the green button and soon, Emma's face popped up through the grainy video feed of her phone. He could hear some sort of clattering in the background, but Killian could not see what it was coming from.

"Hey," Emma spoke, a smile spreading on her face as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "How was your day?"

Killian sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Exhausting. I'm working a lot of overtime so I can try to see you soon. But with the pay raise David gave to me, it's looking like a possibility."

"Really?" Emma said with her eyes lighting up.

Killian nodded and smiled at her. "Yes. It's just a matter of time, I think."

"Oh that would be so great! I know Graham and everyone have been really wanting to meet you!" Emma exclaimed and that's when Killian heard more chatter from outside of the camera's view. Emma's head turned to the right and he saw another smile spread on her face and _Graham was there_. "I'll see you later, Graham. I'll probably come over later to run lines or something."

Killian hated that his stomach knotted up and that his mind was whispering the very same things it always told him when he remembered that Graham was there, by her side: _he'll be there for her when you can't be._

"Is there something wrong, Killian?" Emma asked, her eyebrows furrowed.

Killian shook his head. "I'm fine, Swan. Just tired."

"I know that's a lie. What's wrong?"

Killian sighed and he couldn't possibly tell her that he was going insane with jealousy over Graham Humbert, whom Emma had already told Killian that they were merely friends. "'S nothing, Emma. Really."

"Killian Bartholomew Jones, don't you dare lie to me. What's wrong?" Emma asked sternly and her eyes blazing with anger.

Killian gulped, but he knew it was just time to fucking spill it. "I just-oh fucking hell. I don't like him, Emma."

Emma furrowed her eyebrows again as confusion crossed her face. "What? Graham? Why the hell don't you like him?"

"Because he's just always around and I know- _God_ , I fucking know that you've said you're only friends, but sooner or later, he's gonna be there for you when I can't be and that's gonna kill us and I just don't like him because he's on your list so I know that you feel at least something for him-"

"Wait, wait, _wait_!" Emma nearly yelled and Killian shut up, looking at the fury he brought out of her. "Are you fucking telling me that you think I'm going to _sleep with him_?"

"I know you wouldn't-"

"No, you clearly think I would because that's basically what you're saying," Emma continued on, her eyes blazing with rage. "You just said that he's on my fucking list, so you think I'd actually throw away _everything we have_! Killian, my list doesn't mean jack shit because _I've always had you_ and I will always want you! Don't you fucking trust me?"

" _Of course I trust you_!" Killian replied back loudly. "I just don't trust him!"

"See, that means you don't trust me because you know I can fucking handle myself quite well and I can control myself. If he ever made a move on me- _which he hasn't done because he knows I have you_ -I would shut it down. But you're telling me that you don't trust him to not make a move on me, which tells me that you don't think I'd stop him if he made a move."

"Emma, I-"

"No. You know what, Killian? How about you put that trip on hold because I'm apparently shacking up with my costar and don't need you around?"

"Emma, please-"

The screen immediately went black and Killian tossed the laptop off of him, walking around the room and punching the wall beside the bathroom. He was such a bloody idiot, thinking that his torturous thoughts were real and telling him the truth. He _knew_ that Emma would never do such things, but his mind had completely warped as their time apart grew longer and longer.

And now, he'd gone and fucked up the only good thing in his life.

He knew only one way to fix this.

Killian returned to his laptop and immediately booked a flight to Vancouver for that next weekend, knowing that he needed to fix this.

(He just hoped Emma would listen to him.)

* * *

Over that next week, Emma ignored any calls or texts that Killian sent her. He understood that she was angry with him, that he was a complete ponce for thinking that way. But the distance had tricked him into believing that he wasn't good enough to keep Emma (even though he always believed that, deep down). He knew he would have to grovel at Emma's feet for her forgiveness and that maybe even then, he'd be returning home that very same day because she wouldn't want him there.

(God, he had mucked things up.)

When Friday morning arrived, Killian called in sick for work, which David knew was a bold-faced lie. They had discussed Killian's vacation just after Killian had booked the ticket and deemed that he would just call off sick both Friday and Monday, seeing as he had a major surplus of free days and it was too late to request the vacation days for it.

And as Killian was boarding his plane to Toronto for his layover, he sent off a text to Elsa, telling her that he was on his way and that he'd alert her when he landed in Vancouver that night. She replied quickly, telling him that she already had Emma's apartment key and that she would be standing by for his text. He prayed to God that Emma didn't need to get to her apartment before he could reach her or that Elsa didn't spill this secret visit.

One two-hour layover in Toronto and a five and a half hour flight later, Killian was in Vancouver with his bags in his arms and he flagged down a cab as he stood outside in the chilly weather. The driver helped Killian place his things into the trunk and they quickly departed after Killian gave him the address to the apartment building Emma was currently residing in.

It only took the driver twenty or so minutes to find the building, and there Killian saw Elsa standing outside with her signature braid over her shoulder and in a thin sweater (he supposed she experienced colder weather in Norway). As soon as Elsa recognized Killian on the curb as he fished his luggage from the trunk of the cab, she hurried over and took his carry-on bag.

"What the hell happened between the two of you?" Elsa asked as they walked over to the revolving door of the apartment building. "Emma's been on edge for the past week."

"It was just me being an asshole. I won't be surprised if she kicked me out of the apartment and I have to fly back tonight," Killian replied honestly as his boots clacked against the tile flooring of the large atrium.

Elsa sighed. "Here's hoping that doesn't happen. She's missed you a lot and I know she wants you here."

"I guess we'll see," Killian murmured under his breath as Elsa ushered him into an elevator.

Once Elsa helps him into the small apartment Emma was given while she filmed the show, Elsa departed to make sure Emma got her key back before it got too late. And with a small smile, Elsa left him to rest on the couch. Killian looked around the apartment, noting the stark white paint on the walls and the old carpet beneath his feet. He hoped she would get better accommodations when the show was renewed for a second season, but he had no idea how that worked. He thought about turning on the TV ten feet in front of him, but Killian just wanted to sit in silence as he examined the apartment.

There was a small table pushed into the corner of the room, just beside the door Killian walked in through, where Killian imagined Emma ate dinner or ran her lines or typed away on her laptop. Across from the table, the small kitchen sat, where he was sure Emma would crack open numerous take-out containers because she never did like to cook much. Beside the TV, there were two other doors-one that sat on a wall that jutted out, which was where the table sat, and another against the flat wall in front of Killian. He presumed these were the doors to the bathroom and to the bedroom, where Emma would grumble sleepily when she had to wake up too early.

But there was nothing here to signal that someone resided in the apartment. Sure, it had random balls of hair from when Emma would shed and the pillow on the couch had clearly been used, but there was nothing else. No dirty plates and no shoes strewn about. It was as if this wasn't Emma's home. It was as though her home was back in New York, with Killian.

And Killian felt even worse for his accusations.

Ten years of history and he still assumed the worst of their relationship. Sure, they had never spent so much time apart, but he should've trusted his heart, even when his demons were screaming into his ears. Emma remained with him even when creepy directors and costars would try to throw themselves at her, trying to promise her a future in show business if she would just give it up. But she never once did, because Emma loved him and she always had and _God he was such a fucking idiot_ -

Killian heard the clicking of the door unlocking and the swinging of the door opening, where he saw Emma with Graham standing behind her. And for once, his stomach didn't twist with jealousy and anxiety. It was busy flipping because Emma was standing right in front of him with her beautiful blonde hair up in a loose ponytail-

"Killian?" Emma spoke as she froze in the doorway, her eyes unwavering from his form.

Killian stood from the couch and his heart jumped into his throat because of her face. God, she still looked immensely upset and as though she hadn't been sleeping, with dark bags under her eyes. He wished he could take away the pain he had caused her by his careless words.

"So this is Killian Jones?" Graham asked Emma as he stepped around her and marched over to Killian with a hand out. "Emma's told me all about you. I'm Graham Humbert."

Killian immediately shook his hand and he swore he saw Emma relax as she stepped into the apartment. "Nice to meet you. You're fantastic on the show."

"Only because of my leading lady, of course," Graham replied and twisted to look over at Emma. "You didn't tell me he was coming in."

"I"-Emma cleared her throat-"I didn't know."

"Ah, a surprise," Graham said as he looked between the two of them. "Well, I'll be going then. Maybe dinner tonight with the entire cast to introduce him?"

"Maybe," Emma said over her shoulder as Graham waved and shut the door behind him, leaving Emma and Killian alone in the apartment.

Emma stood beside the archway that led to the kitchen, shifting uneasily on her feet. "Why are you here?"

"Because I needed to apologize for what I said," Killian spoke and Emma crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm a bloody fool for saying those things and even _thinking_ them. It's just-this distance kills me and I don't want you to feel bad about pursuing your dream because I knew this day would come. But I didn't know it would hurt so much. And I let it all get to me. My mind came up with reasons why I should be scared and I believed them and I don't know why."

"Killian, we have been together for _ten_ years-"

"I know-"

"How could you think I'd ever do that to you?" Emma asked, her voice breaking and Killian's own heart broke because he was such an arse.

"I-I don't know," Killian replied, taking a small step forward. "You know I've never thought I was good enough for you, so I suppose my mind was just telling me these reasons about why I wasn't enough and that you'd find someone better."

Emma shook her head and sighed as she wiped away a tear ( _God_ , Killian was lower than a piece of shit). "Killian, you've always been _perfect_ for me. You've always supported me, even when I couldn't get a role and I could barely afford rent. You always made sure I was trying my hardest and you always reassured me that I'll make it to the big screen someday. I'm not going to throw us away because I had to move all of the way out here for a role. You need to understand that I _never_ wanted us to end up like this, torn apart by this fucking distance and practically accusing the other of _cheating_."

Killian nodded solemnly, realizing that they were at a crossroads in their relationship. "I'll understand if you want to break off the engagement."

"Killian, no, no, no," Emma repeated as she strode over to him, gripping the bottom of his shirt in her hands. "I don't want that. I just want you here."

Killian sighed and dropped his forehead against Emma's. "I know."

"And I don't want you to think that way ever again. Graham is gay, anyways."

And Killian honestly couldn't stop himself from snorting and dropping his head against Emma's shoulder in laughter.

"Of bloody course he is."

"But don't tell anyone. He isn't out to the world yet; just his agent and family and a few of his closer costars here," Emma told Killian and he picked his head back up from her shoulder with a smile. "I mean it, Killian. I'm only telling you because you were vibrating with jealousy on that call and that I've only just found out when I told Graham about it earlier this week."

"I won't tell anybody."

"Good," Emma murmured, wrapping her arms around Killian's waist as she stepped closer to him. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too, Emma. So much," Killian replied as he placed his arms around Emma's back.

"Was this planned before our fight?"

"Not at all. As soon as you hung up, I booked the flight."

"How long do we have?"

"Until Monday morning."

Emma sighed and tightened her arms around Killian. "That's so short."

"I know, my love. But we'll make the best of it, yeah?"

Emma nodded against his chest. "Maybe do dinner with the cast tonight?"

"Maybe show me the beach?"

"Or the aquarium," Emma added as her lips angled up toward Killian's.

"Or that maritime museum," Killian continued as he dipped his jaw down and brushed his lips across Emma's.

"You've done some research, haven't you?" Emma asked in a quiet voice, her breathing heavy and her tongue darting out to wet her lip.

"Of course. Who do you think I am?" Killian responded and he couldn't hold back any longer.

He pressed his kiss against Emma's lips, who sighed as though this was her goddamn salvation. Fire ignited Killian's veins and he pulled her up into his arms, her legs immediately wrapping around his hips and his tongue dipping into her mouth. She moaned against his lips and the vibrations shot straight down to his cock, which was growing steadily harder with each passing moment of her pressed tightly against him.

"Bedroom or couch?" Killian asked when he was able to pull his lips away just a centimeter.

"God, I don't fucking care right now," Emma rasped out and Killian just dropped onto the couch behind him, sending Emma into a giggling fit. "Could you at least warn me before you do that?"

"I'll keep that in mind for next time," Killian replied as he began to drag his lips down her neck and sucking a mark onto her collarbone.

"Oh shit, they're gonna notice that on Monday," Emma groaned, her hands fisting the hair at Killian's nape. " _God_ , I do not give a fuck right now."

Killian laughed against her skin as his hands travelled up to her breasts, pulling down the low neckline of Emma's sweater and reaching for her nipples. Emma gasped and her hands immediately went to the growing bulge inside Killian's pants, slowly rubbing her hand against it.

"Jesus fucking Christ, you can't keep teasing me like that, love," Killian growled out, pulling Emma's pale pink sweater over her head and tossing it over the TV.

Emma giggled and he had fucking missed her so much. "So-o-ory."

She immediately unbuckled Killian's belt and made quick work of the button and zipper, tugging his jeans down from his hips until his cock popped free of its confines. Killian cursed as Emma gripped him firmly in her soft hand, slowly working his cock in her hand.

After that, it became a blur of clothes until they were finally- _finally_ -naked on the couch, Emma's wetness just barely hovering over Killian's cock because she just had to fucking tease him (she seemed to immensely enjoy the teasing).

"Please," Killian sighed out with his eyes closed, his hands tightening around her hips. "Just _please_."

"Killian," Emma spoke so softly and his eyes opened, seeing her still hovering over him. Her hair had fallen over her shoulders, covering her breasts like some sort of mythical being. Her green eyes were glimmering and he realized that she was still hurting.

Killian thumbed the dent of her chin and cupped her cheeks in his hands "I love you and I'm sorry for saying those things. I will never doubt again. You have my word, Emma Swan. I wouldn't have proposed to you three years ago if I didn't want to be with you when this eventually happened. Alright?"

Emma nodded and leaned her face into his hand, sniffling softly. "When you come to live in Vancouver or I go back to New York, maybe we set a date?"

And Killian couldn't stop the smile from spreading on his face. "Of course, my love."

And Emma smiled just as brightly as she ducked her head down and kissed him again, finally sliding herself down onto Killian. They both moaned together as she adjusted around him, but then they began to move in a slow and steady pace. They kissed every part of each other that the other could reach, not leaving a spot unmarked and unloved.

Killian dropped a kiss to the scar just above Emma's left breast, from where she had a mole removed a year ago.

Emma kissed the scar on Killian's cheek, from when he was cut during an attempted mugging as he and Emma spent a night on the town in New York City.

Killian took Emma's wrist and kissed the cigarette mark that had been left by an abusive foster father when she was nine.

And Emma slid her lips across the scar that wrapped around Killian's left wrist, from a car accident during his first year in college that had made Emma more afraid than she had ever been.

And when they climaxed together, all of their worries melted away because everything would work out in the end. Killian would never stop fighting for Emma and Emma would never stop loving Killian. They were two souls who were meant to be together and would always- _always_ -find their ways back to each other.

* * *

Needless to say, Killian and Emma rarely left the apartment all weekend. Except for a few outings for food and meeting the cast, they stayed right on that couch or cuddled in her bed. Killian would help her with her lines, just as he always did back home, and Emma would thank him in her own pleasurable ways.

And when Monday morning came, Killian kissed away Emma's tears as they laid in her bed because it meant they would go back to being apart and missing each other for the next month, until Emma finally returned home for hiatus. And as they stood in the airport with their hands tightly wrapped around each other's, Killian swore to himself that he'd never hurt her again with callous words.

"What if we get a second season?" Emma whispered quietly, already afraid of what the future could hold for them.

"We'll cross that bridge-"

"When we get to it," Emma spoke as Killian quoted what seemed to be his signature line, sniffling in the quiet airport. "I love you."

"I love you," Killian replied and kissed her lips gently, now feeling what Emma experienced every time she had to go on the plane to return to Vancouver. "I don't want to go."

Emma laughed under her breath and sniffled again. "Now you know how I feel every time I come home."

Killian kissed her again and ran his thumbs over the backs of her hands. "Tell everybody that I had a wonderful time meeting them and tell Graham that I apologize for being a ponce before and tell Elsa thank you for dealing with me."

"Of course," Emma whispered and cleared her throat. "And tell Liam and Malcolm that I miss them."

"Of course." And Killian kissed Emma one last time, and left her standing in the middle of the empty airport. He refused to look back, afraid that if he did, he would remain in Vancouver.

(The modern day story of Orpheus and Eurydice.)

(Go figure.)

* * *

Emma returned mid-March, just in time for Killian's birthday. Elsa tagged along, yet again, but Killian had no qualms. He was just glad to have Emma back and he knew Liam and Malcolm would be excited to see Elsa again.

(It wasn't as though Liam had constantly asked about her ever since she left after the New Year, never leaving Killian a moment to rest.)

They spent every moment together, not worrying about what could possibly come in their future. They knew that the possibility of a second season of _Light And Dark_ was constantly looming over their heads, but Emma refused to let it dampen their time together. She would bring Killian out of the hole he was burrowing himself into and would take him out to the movies or a restaurant with her newfound wealth. And Killian was grateful that Emma never allowed him to retreat too far into his thoughts, which were plagued with insecurities and worries (as they always were).

And since Elsa and Liam were toeing the line of becoming an item, Emma and Killian would take them out on double dates, trying to get one of them to take that final plunge, which was entertainment in itself. It took a while, but Liam finally took the leap of faith on a day in mid-May, as they all sat together in Liam's house while Malcolm did homework upstairs in his bedroom.

And that very next day, as Killian sat at the island counter and read the newspaper on that Saturday morning, Emma came walking in from the small hallway to the left, where his office was. Killian looked over at her and furrowed his eyebrows, noticing that she looked slightly nervous.

"What is it?" Killian asked, shifting in his barstool to face her.

"We got picked up for a second season," Emma replied and Killian saw her throat bob with a gulp. "And we start filming mid-July again."

And every fear and every worry that Killian had pushed to the side during Emma's return home came rushing back. Killian was not strong enough to face several more months of this long-distance thing and he knew those old demons would come back to haunt him, as they were always nipping at his heels.

But he looked at Emma's face and he saw that she was just as terrified of returning back to the old ways. So he opened his arms to her and she came to him, wrapping herself around him. Killian knew they were in the same boat, but that they both needed to remain strong through this and however long it took for Killian to move there or whether or not Emma will eventually return to New York.

"We'll get through it. We did it last time and we'll do it again and again until we're back together, alright?" Killian said and Emma nodded into his chest.

(But deep down inside, Killian was afraid that maybe he had just lied to her.)

And just as Killian did before, he helped Emma and Elsa practice their new lines for the upcoming season, running them until it was late at night and they were all barely awake. Even Malcolm and Liam joined in, just as they did over Christmas break. Elsa blushed every time there was a kiss in the script and Liam took the rehearsal to heart, which led to Malcolm fake-puking and Emma and Killian giggling.

When they finally took Emma and Elsa to the airport, fewer tears were shed between Emma and Killian, seemingly becoming numb to the procedure. It still hurt Killian to watch Emma walk away with Elsa at her side, but he somehow knew that he would be seeing her soon and that he wouldn't allow his thoughts to trick him again.

And it turned out that his mind was right. Not a month later, during a humid day in mid-August, David announced the completion of the firm's offices in Vancouver. Killian's ears had perked up at the news, seeing it as a sign that it was time to move on from New York and to join Emma in Vancouver. David and Killian met eyes and David nodded at him, as if David was telling Killian that this news was for him. Killian was confused for the entirety of the meeting, wondering what the nod was for. After the meeting, David took him to the side and clapped him on the shoulder.

"I want you to head the firm in Vancouver," David immediately stated and Killian's heart jumped into his throat.

"But, I-"

"You've proven yourself over the past year that you're capable of running things and there's no one I would trust more to do this than you, Killian," David interrupted, smiling at his coworker and friend. "You deserve to move to Vancouver, to be with Emma. I mean, you'll obviously get a pay raise since you'll be the head and Vancouver can be a little expensive but-"

Killian was overcome with emotion and he couldn't stop himself from hugging David right in the middle of the conference room. David didn't seem too surprised, hugging Killian back as Killian began to shake. He couldn't believe that his life was coming back together, that he would no longer have to fall asleep alone.

He was moving to Vancouver and he would finally be with his love.

* * *

Two weeks later and Killian was on a week-long visit to Vancouver to see Emma. The trip had been planned long before the news of his promotion broke, but he had yet to tell her. Killian wanted to keep the promotion a secret just for this visit because he wanted to see the look on Emma's face when he told her that they would no longer be apart.

He had told Liam and Malcolm the following day at their weekly dinner, but he made them swear not to tell Elsa nor Emma. He wanted to tell Emma in person and he knew she would be angry if she heard it from either of them before Killian had told her. He did not want to experience that anger, especially when he would finally be moving to live with her, after this year of long-distance.

As they sat together on the couch on the first night of his visit, watching television, Killian knew that it was the time to reveal the news to her. His thumb ran across the bare skin of her legs, revealed by the barely-there sleep shorts she's always worn that made him think inappropriate thoughts. He pressed his nose against her hair and pressed a kiss to the crown of her head. He heard her sigh into it and burrow closer to him, tightening her arms around his waist.

"I've missed this," Emma spoke quietly, her eyes still on the television.

"As did I," Killian replied and tightened his arm around her waist.

"I don't want you to leave next week," Emma whispered and he nodded.

"I don't want to leave either, but it won't be too long before I return here," Killian murmured, beginning to smile into the skin of Emma's forehead.

Emma pulled away to look up at his face, noticing the smile spreading on his lips. "What do you mean?"

"I got a promotion, Emma. The firm's opening an office in Vancouver and David wants me to be the head of it."

Emma's eyes lit up in the darkness of the room and a smile widened on her lips. "Are you serious?"

"Very serious."

Emma twisted around to straddle Killian's hips and hugged him tightly, her arms around Killian's neck. He hugged her back with his arms around her waist, his head buried into the crevice of her neck and shoulder. They sat like that for what seemed like an eternity, taking in each other's scents and unable to believe that the hardest part of their relationship is over. Emma breathed heavily and Killian ran his hand through her long hair, draped down over her back.

"It's finally over?" Emma whispered.

"Yes, my love. It's finally over."

* * *

Although they hit a few bumps in the road, Killian finally was able to move to Vancouver in that coming February, with a fresh sheet of snow on the ground and a new home to call their own. It took only a few hours to move in their own furnishings, such as their bed set and couch from the old house. Other than just those few things, they had to start from the very beginning to accumulate things for their new life.

Even though Killian had insisted that this was enough for now, Emma wouldn't have that. They spent the rest of the weekend going through furniture stores and buying up everything else they needed to make the new house feel a little bit more like home. They purchased a new flat screen television that was mounted above the fireplace in the living room, and a hot tub for their large back yard, which was to be delivered within the next week.

And as Killian looked through the numerous works of art, deeming what was perfect to place in their dining room and living room and bedrooms, Emma was busy custom ordering a brand new desk for him. He had worked so hard to be able to move here and to be able to live comfortably, so Emma felt as though he deserved something as special as that.

And when they laid in bed that night, exhausted from the weekend spent moving, Killian murmured " _how about December_ " and with a soft giggle, Emma replied " _sounds great to me_."


End file.
